Ultra

When four Buckinghamshire chaps met at school (even though they are up to 3 years age difference)to form Ultra.

They were James, John, Nick and Mike who had a few hits then disappeared faster than James Fox's hair.

The two blonds Mike and James always had the edge on the other two but they all looked OKish.

A sinking feeling

Oliver de Groot keep are interest a few weeks ago but in the mid 90s there was the film True Blue.

Not only did it star Noah Huntley but it had a few shower scenes, even some that verged on soft porn (I said verged but if men's behinds offend don't look). And there is more, and more and more.

Enjoy.

The principles of rambling nothingness

When do you know you are old?

When boybands look young? No they always look young and we are not just about talking dirty old men fodder like S Club embryos or Sam and Mark.

When soap stars look young? They have babies on soaps so that is about as logical as most things that come out of Michael Moore's mouth. Some like Joe Swash even look like they are carrying one.

When drug dealers look young? Well Will Straw always had his odd bug eyes and didn't always photograph well but could sometimes just look very cute.

When Eurovision 'singers' look young? Mr Iceland looks good in trunks umm that's all I can come up on that.

Spooky, very spooky in a Matthew MacFadyen way.

Princely totty

Andrea Casighari Monaco's princely totty does look a lot like his mother and was a tad lanky (nice bum though) but he doesn't look that bad in swimming trunks, not bad at all.

Carl Philip of Sweden is Bill's favorite bit of euro royal totty mainly because he looks so familiar but I can't work out why.

Luxembourg also produces good totty with Prince Felix and Prince Guillame no him.

Sin for absolution

In between wondering if Mark of Sam and Mark could make a larger gaydar ping (OMG I'm watching Saturday morning TV...ohhh Eric Bana hubba hubba)and having sinful thoughts about Joe and Robbie and Scott and Darren of Hollyoaks, I'm hoping I can avoid Eurovision totally.

The Austrians are quite cute, the Bosnian is quite camp, the French guy is nice as is the Icelandic chap and the Spanish chap is all butch like thingy.

Still not going to watch it though.

Puts on Muse MP3.

Bill's been on the drink

Well I have...vodka and cranberry juice...and by the magic of his wireless house is typing this in his bedroom *shut up Kip or she'll hear you* and is just pondering why he can still focus. Drinking is naughty *you're my mate...I love you* well actually I tend to go all thoughtful when mildly drunk (well OK I think I'm being profound but probably aren't).

It's bugging (and I mean bugging) does anyone know the name of a short gay film from Portugal (or perhaps Spain) about this kid who was on the pull and did naughty things in a mall's toilet and had sex with his tutor (and his parents caught him)? No it's not porn *the baby oil is in the second drawer Kip*

Anyhows night people, oh and tonight Matthew, Bill is going to be...

Swim and Jim

Paolo Bossini, is cute Italian swimming totty.

AFL totty James Davies riding and pumping with his teamates..

*waves*

A hello to our visitors from the US, South Africa, England (and northern France), Australia and our roving totty finder who have managed to work (kind of) the Guestmap (button under Archives).

The other 27,299 visitors found it too hard (behave).

Random totty of today

Andrew Walker, the AFL player not the cute blond bit of TV fluff.

Matt Milburn of Hollyoaks naked.

Rugby players Iain Balshaw and Mike Tindal getting bedhind things.

Ryan of Big Brother Australia naked [here be nudity and dragons]with his bits showing.

Paul Wasilewski as a blond...ho humm.

And finally a few caps of the Todd and Karl will they, won't they, they have already, will Adam Rickett make a threesome saga.

Your tottiness

May I present his Royal Highness Carl Philip Edmund Bertil, Prince of Sweden, Duke of Värmland.

Now with no shirt on and again for luck. Interesting cheekbonesCarl old chap.

In case you are a royalist he's descended from one of Napoleon's generals not real royalty.

Esau

If you like them hairy and beefy then you can do little better than Hollyoaks' Kevin Sacre.

Kevin plays Jake Dean the normal but slightly anal member of the Dean family (think Grundys/Dingles/Beckhams/Blairs). Oddly for Hollyoaks Kevin can actually act (a bit) and does well on the limited material he gets (whoever writes Lee's lines is a genus).

Sadly I think he'll go the way of Cameron and become a very cute loser.


[Baton is a cute bundle of tottiness for the caps]

By popular demand

Back are the old comments...which will be used as often as in the past no doubt.

Comments

If people can't get the new comments to work or just hate them I can change them back if people would like. Of course you have to use them to reply.

Ohhh the irony.

Beef

Ben 'I take my kit off at every occasion' Cohen has suddenly gone all shy on us (or it's too cold to wear only boxers) so as a redux here's a few links and pics to remind us of how lucky his wife is.

Links first.

The wallpaper on Ben's site has some gems (Bill likes numbers 2 and 5).

Sloggi's site on Ben has loads of pics and a video of Ben stripping for the BBC's Question of Sport (if anyone can tell Bill how to download the video/pictures I'll post them).

Here's a picture of Ben in his hairy splendor and a tiny (can't find a bigger one) picture of Ben playing with his teammates.

Enjoy.

Museic

Between the Stroke 9, Blue October and Marvelous 3 racks playing on my PC are a few by Muse who are (L-R in this photo) Matthew Bellamy (guitar, vocals and writing), Chris Wolstenholme (bass) and Dominic 'Zach Braff's cousin (no not really)' Howard (drums).

Apart for Bill wanting to do naughty things with Chris and Dom (sorry Matthew you do nothing for me but there are others...) the video to their song Hysteria features the small but nicely formed Justin Theroux (no relation to Louis and Marcel) who goes all psycho in a hotel room in a shirtless stalker way.

You may not like Muse but visually (totty or not) their videos are good.

Wiley

Wiley (no surname given) is the drummer of 'turdo pop' (whatever that means) group Powder who seems to have Adrian Youngitis (or acute can'tkeepmytoponitis).

I borrowed a few of their songs on Kazaa and Wiley et al musically do have a sort of appeal (and it's not just Wiley sans shirt (mainly as that has nothing to do with music so can't be musical)).

To use a literary analogy Wiley et al are airport fiction but the type you don't have to hide.

Soap and Random totty of the day

Soap totty is represented by Eastenders Joe Swash and Mohammed George get naked.

Not to be out done Corrie has Adam Rickett and Chris Finch (AKA Karl)

Random totty is covered by Orlando Bloom and German diving totty Christian Loeffler (more below).

Human Nature

1990s Australian boyband Human Nature did very well in Australia but with such a small population that isn't a massive success.

The lead singer Micheal Tierney had a penchant for vinyl tops, Toby Allen either is out or it's a very open secret, and the other two Andrew Tiernay (Mike's brother) and Phil Burton are not much to write home about.

In part of their promotional work they did what every boyband does get their kit off. Toby got involved and very behind it.

Australian Big Brother Totty

[nudity alert]

This year we have Ryan Fitzgerald who gets his kit off daily as did Blair McDoughnut a few years ago but sadly Wesley is more shy (to date).

Random totty of the day

A Canadian gymnast trying to stop something hardening.


Scott Speedman looking cute.

Former Kipistic totty Justin Melvey.

Chelsea footballing totty John Terry, with his kit off twice.

Colorado University's running totty John Woods.

Will Kemp

Shirtless, and kissing another chap in Car Man.

How come that never happens in Quickfit?


Update:

Here's some caps of young William in Van Helsing

Here
Here

Credit

To be Piers Morgan

Ewww what a horrible thought.

I had an interesting question posed to me recently when I was kindly sent a photo by a reader of this blog (hint). It seems to show Darius Danesh in a kilt with his bits showing. Now I'm sure I was sent it in good faith but I have my doubts about it. Now unlike the Daily Mirror photos it might be real and I don't know it's fake as I post it.

So here totally unlike the Daily Mirror and it's 'editor' I post a picture I think is real but with two caveats (a) it shows someone's bits and (b) it could be fake.

Here it is.

Linkage

Bar the annoying tags Bill recommends a visit to Caroline's Photos and leaving a massive hostage to fortune where does Bill know this chap from?

Random totty of the day

David Spriggs

Pap idol

Moving from objects of obsession back to the sunlight uplands of boybands I bring you two probable failures so you can perve before they go the way we hope Blazin Squad go...to the dole office.

I start with the oh so inventively named Pop! (mustn't forget the '!') who are supposed to become Steps version two (as if version one wasn't bad enough).

They are Jade (Faye and Claire clone), Glenn (the Lee clone who looks equally good shirtless), Jamie (the H clone who has a 'hilarious personality' or actually is a total twat) and Hannah (Lisa Scott-Lee clone who better have as cute brothers).

Then we have the tragically named Twen2y 4 Se7en who are as per this picture (l-R) Andy (no he's not Scott Caan) and Niall who are twins (spot the USP), Thom who I'll come (behave) back to in a mo and Radon.

If you watched the Salon you might remember Thom got his kit off and did a little dance in only red boxers so if the boyband lark doesn't work he could always pole dance.

Twen2y 4 Se7en have 'been supporting Westlife a lots of places'...sounds fun.

PS Pop Justice are running a poll on them.

Kipster

Kip Gamblin is wearing a sarong like thingy in this caps from Home and Away, a cheesy grin (again and again) and an odd grimace.

But he's shirtless in each picture so he might have been cold and thus acting pants because of it.

Camping

BBMak

Deutschland, Deutschland uber totty

Daniel Schmoll may not be God's gift looks wise but I bet you can guess why I posted a photo of him.

Felix Kaiser looking tired, wet but cute.

Christian Loeffler is a cute cute bit of German diver totty who likes his tats in odd places and a nice butt.

Toys

I've added Guestmap button so if you are too scared to comment tag the map.

Stalking 101

I now have added respect for those who get stalked and cope.

As I wandered around Oxford today I kept seeing chaps that could have been my stalker here, there and everywhere. Now I'm looking for him out of nosiness and the ego massage that is a young student wanting my body (the only possible reason for his antics and I'll keep telling myself that) but to those who are being stalked by sickos that seeing him everywhere must be hell.

Now someone I know who does psych research on people who have obsessions told me a few months ago about this lass who had a fixation on Duncan James from Blue and as I just posted a picture of him I remembered what finally stopped her obsession. She dreamt they had sex and he wasn't very good in bed.

We are an odd species.

As if to prove that my mind has oddly linked all this to Tom (which may or may not be his real name). Now Tom is not the most attractive human being on the planet but for some odd reason my screwy brain went all oddity on me and I got rather attracted to his. As I lie here on the floor (I like to spread myself out) I can't for the life of my work out why I wanted to...well you can guess.

Tom is circa six foot, stocky build, plump but not fat, has oddly dyed hair (which looks like someone dropped dye on his hair and ran for it), has more than his fair share of body hair and dresses in a student (which he is) tramp style. So why did want him? It was my Butch Walker and Tyson Ritter phase so I was into skinny chaps which makes it odder.

Probably for the same reason I fancy Allison Mack ... I have odd tastes (but Smallville is fun (Tom, Allison, Kristin, Eric and Michael (who I picture as he was on Zoe, Duncan, Jack & Jane).

*waves*

Do use the comments if you want.

Dan the man

Daniel Letterle was in Camp (see even with that temptation I didn't do the pun).

Not the camp in the truely dire Redcoats (Holiday Reps without the class) yet another example for the need for eugenics but the film but you've already guessed that.

I know nothing (behave) about Daniel or the film bar what I've looked up on the net so this is pure tottiness and nothing else. Is it shallow to base opinions on just looks? Nahh, we do it all the time so let's look at this bit of totty and imagine all manner of things we could do with him. Play draughts, discuss the finer points of quantum tunnelling...him naked on your bed.

AFL nude and in speedos

Heath Black looks rather good in his Aussie Rules kit but better in just speedos (but then again that's only my opinion).

Australia has just launched this year's TV for those who really, really, really need a life or Big Brother.

One of the contestents is Ryan Fitzgerald an ex Sydney Swans player who has already started [nudity warning] walking around naked.
Ryan seems to be nice but dim.

Other examples of Aussie BB totty are Kane (not doughboy) and Wesley.

You can perve...watch it all here.


Lesser forums only have shirtless pics.

Random totty

More of McFly and I capped it so that's why it's so bad.

Gareth Gates looking all rent boy.

Duncan James reacting at seeing me.

ALF totty Aaron Rogers.

Zach Braff ready for tonight.

Chris Parker aka Spencer Moon looking for a bra.

Robby Ginepri looking all hairy as usual.

Random totty

The McFly boys showing their bodies off (sadly not much to write home about there).

Random precision or what's old totty cat

Remember Triple 8?

If you don't worry not many people will. They were a sort of Phixx pre clone that were even less successful if that's possible.

The only real difference is one of them David was a hairy beasty not your usual boyband shaved wonder.

Nathan West, Mr I was in Bring It On and not much more (of value) looks good shirtless but only that. He does try sometimes to look hard though.

My morning in Oxford by Bill

Between the showers I hoped on a bus to the centre of Oxford but being me took the bus that goes the long way through Headington which was actually good as it meant I could stop of at Brookes and see a mate of mine who I will call Jack (which is not his name). Jack is Mr perpetual student and sadly very straight. What makes this hard is that under his studenty beard thingy he is actually rather cute and likes hugging people. So to cut a long story short...too late I know...I had coffee with him and went on the 'Brookes Bus' down into town.

Now the 'Brookes Bus' is the bus shockingly for Brookes students and always has some eye candy on board of both sexes. On the bus today was a black haired circa 6ft 2 cute chap who seemed to keep looking at me. On buses this happens, confined space, nosiness, etc so I paid little heed. When I got of at the top of the High, he did too, nothing odd there as it's the nearest stop to the shops.

I went into Boots to get a party pack of ibuprofen, he was in Boots. I went to the pay desk, he went to the one next to it. So what to do? Is this coincidence? Am I being stalked? Is he an undercover policeman following me? Am I over reacting? Should I say something?

I decided that if he followed me again I'd say something. So I decided that to make sure it wasn't some odd coincidence to walk over to the Westgate Centre. He's still following me. This is getting odd.

By this time he must know I have spotted him so why not come say hello? So I decided to stand in the middle of the main hall of the Westgate and wait. He walks in sees me standing there. I look at him, he looks at me. He bottles and walks back out of the doors.

I didn't follow.

So here I am left like someone with a murder mystery novel with the last pages torn out not knowing what all that was about. Being stalked is a rather odd experience, not really worrying (though I can see it being so if you are not tall like me and it's on a dark empty road) more puzzling. Most chaps in Oxford are used to being stalked by the Oxford High girls who make a sport of it and there the girls looking to marry an Oxford University student but this was...well oddly flattering.

So if you are tall, thin, with black hair wearing a beige jacket, blue jeans and were in Oxford stalking me around noon try actually talking to people not following them.

Anyhows I went off an consoled myself with a quick perve of hairy John (please oh please get rid of that tragic beard) upstairs in WHSmiths.

Random totty of the day

Trent Croad with his shorts riding high.

Jared Padalecki attempting to look older by growing a beard. Sadly he just can't manage it.

Blond fluff

Chad Michael Murray or Chaddles as it saves me typing time to call him has [Dreamcap] made a career of looking cute, getting his kit off and in some cases going nude (sadly with basketballs covering his bits ).

Another bits of cute blondness are the wonderfully named Travis Van Winkle and AFL player with velcro hair Jarrad Brennon.

Linkage

The silly Furniture Porn, the pop culture wanders of Vita Obscura and the naked celebiness of Frontal Impact [normal nudity caveat].

Random Totty

Will Kemp kissing a bloke.

Vernon Kay playing with his little man.

Lust of the Irish

James Lafferty stars in One Tree Hill an American teen 'the next Dawson's Creek' (as if one angst filled long words and literary reference fest wasn't bad enough) about two half brothers one with a wealthy father, the other a moody loner (oh what a completely novel plot) staring Chaddles (sometimes wearing only a basketball) and James Lafferty.

James can look a tad imperious and sullen and will show us his back.

Occasionally he shows off his body in public, telling Bill what he wants to be and then takes off his top and then does some odd pose (it kinda helps if you have the bow and arrow before you get into position (behave)).

James also plays in some charity basketball (how odd that a chap from a TV show about basketball players does that) called the Hollywood Knights. Here he is with (left) Andrew Walker and (right) Josh Henderson (last seen on the epic Leeches), with one of the Hall twins, with Dougie from McFly or really Thad Luckinbill and Josh Henderson again.

Things to do in Australia


To help Tony on his travels here's some helpful pointers.

If you want a Kip it is better to do him...no it, it, I mean it often. There are some Beautiful (best fat turkey farmer voice) beaches, brady good surf, and the golfers, no I mean golf is very good too with pros like Aaron Baddeley willing to take their kit off...no teach you golf even if they do look like Nick Stahl. Avoid the dough factories or you might get a Kane sorry pain in the ass (or both). Fortunately the wildlife will soon shed their partners (when they go to prison) leaving them alone and shirtless.

PS Sam if you come on a visit here it's your character not you we are taking the mikey out of honest. Here's just one of the many examples of your acting talent.

What better be in my bed tonight

Julien Hans

[I think this is a KK scan so all cred to him]

What's in a name?

Who is Sam Mitchell?

A character on a soap that they never smile on? 'Mark's dead Pauline' not change of expression 'Will you marry me?' still a glum face.

No Sam Mitchell the blond bit of Aussie Rules playing fluff (left with Shane Crawford).

He plays for Hawthorn Hawks with Trent Croad (Bill has a thing for Trent...a hard one (how crude)). Other examples of Hawks totty are Luke 'I look like Kerr Smith' Brennan, Rick Ladson, Jonathan Hay (that photo is a really bad one) and Ben Dixon.

Also there's Nick Dal Santo (well he kinda has a silly name).

Nick plays for Saint Kilda who I have already sexually objectified...Heath Black...ahhhh.

Oh and as I've had Emails (yes I was shocked too) my choice of totty in AFL clubs is solely my tastes and I'm not saying Nick Riewoldt is ugly (he is though).

Band of boys

Following on from the what did they do after the boyband here are the three Bass brothers Nathan, Mark and Keiran (I don't Calvin Goldspink here) who formed Next of Kin in the 1990s.

They had one hit called 24 hours then another single where they tried Nathan out in a tight sleeveless T shirt to look cuter than he already was. Sadly the single flopped and they went to Tenerife to work on a new album ad were not heard from again.

This was even more sad because Bill wanted to do some really naughty things to Nathan.

Moving to the present we have two wanabee boybands.

V are trying to be a 5ive/Blazin Squad gestalt and failing dismally. Yes they are cute but not enough.

Aaron is so camp I really hope he's gay for his sake, Kevin is supposed to be the 'hard man' like J was in 5ive but isn't that convincing (crew cuts do not a thug make), Mark looks a tad like Andy Scott Lee (ohhhh Andyyy), and the remaining two Leon and Antony make so little impression I can't even be bothered to take the you know what, save Leon likes Michael Moore so he doesn't need my help.

Their website (as it's hard to find as V is a silly name as it pulls up nothing in Google.

Finally we have Boysterous (such clever word play) who have yet to make the top 40. They've put in the effort (ie got their kits off) but (L to R) Mike, Chris, Mitch (nice of them to let their uncle join) and Gary (are people still abusing their kids by calling them Gary?) are still getting nowhere. I suspect they haven't figured out that the boyband rule about having one ugly chap (so the boyfriends of the screaming girlies feel better) does not apply to half the band.

Perhaps they can play with Will Young's ball.

Just plain scary

Some people really need help.

A few, a shirtless few...

Here's a few more pictures of Jarrod Batchlor

The slug has escaped.

I can see his bits

Wrong type of cup.

What!

Did you know that there is a Sam 'carved out of dough' Atwell aka Kane on Home and Away fansite?

Mrs Gamblin will be running over there to bask in the the receeding hairline, the plump body, the rabbitlike teeth, and the general shaggability of Sam.

I on the other hand will be playing with Steven Fletcher ex of Brookside and Rodrigo Santoro 2 and a bottle of baby oil.

A sad day 2

Gummidge's Aussie & Kiwi Young Actors has closed for good.

Kiddie's TV

Here are two stars of US kid's TV dramas.

Jeremy Garrett replaced the wonderfully named Ryan Bittle on something called Sweet Valley High which involved two blond female twins. Jeremy was also on CSI Miami as was Ryan.

Jared 'say what' Padalecki is/was on something called the Gilmore Girls which involves girls and someone/thing/place (have you guessed I know nothing about it yet?). He is going to be doing something with one or both of the Olsen Twins so his career is going bye, bye. Hopefully he'll recover like Jesse Spencer did. I forget the film's name but it is worth a view just to see Jesse attempt a posh English accent.

Stuart

You get things uploaded for them and the go off for three weeks...men...

Any way here is Stuart Manning of Night and Day, AnF and Velcro fame nude and showing off his behind.

A sad day

Craig Doyle, he that found it oh so hard not to get his kit off on BBC's Holiday show is leaving it for pastures new ie BBC sport.

Craig would strip if he was on a beach, by a pool, in the sea (yes all logical places), testing showers and baths (well they need testing) and in dream sequences about him boxing (umm). Basically he just liked stripping and when he shocked us all by not being gay and getting married his wife put a stop to it (she gets to sleep with him so she could at least let us fantasise).

As an aside Keith Doyle on Channel Five News is his brother. Keith 'is happy to get “stuck in” to any situation' like 'filming naked on France’s largest nudist beach!'.

Odd thing to run in the family.

Totty in kilts

No not Mel Gibson because he never ranked as totty, bigoted prat yes, totty no, but Orlando Bloom, South Africa via Kent's best bit of totty.

He's in two films out or out soon. The truely dire Calcuim Kid in which you get to perve him shirtless in boxer short and Troy in which he gets his kit off and walks around for the rest of the time in a kiltlike thingy which offers possiblities with him sitting down.

Beckham eat your heart out.

Imagination aids

This help the imagination Tony?

Word games

As per commentary discussions I'm suggesting we, well I with your help come up with a new slang term and see if we can make it popular by using it in real life (that scary place), and on other blogs and forums.

The suggestion (well one you can use easily) so far from Tony is:

Jade, meaning idiot or idiotic.

Usage: You're such a Jade. That was such a Jade thing to do.

Any other suggestions or is this attempt at interaction doomed (no I'm not using that joke again).

Amazon

You may have noticed that Amazon logo thingy on this blog. I've joined their affiliate program. It doesn't cost you a penny and I'll use the tokens I get to buy some DVDs to cap.

On that vane now I've past my recent work deadline some caps are coming if I can work out how to cap from MS Media Player.

Burst bubbles

I quite liked Crossroads and so did the other three people who watched it. I had my reasons of watching it and it was for the acting. Jane Asher please go back to making cakes, please I beg of you. Crossroads also has Richard 'last seen on his hands and knees taking it...their acting, it's TV show, I'm actually a small annoying bigot who made some truely dire films (not me, Michael Winner) ' Burke in it.

There was Night and Day where you had Stuart Manning and Kevin 'now in Hollyoaks' Sacre who better stay apart as they might stick together like velcro, and Seb 'was in Family Affairs' Casting.

Finally am I the only one who thinks the Dan in prison storyline has gone on far too long? We all know he'll get let out when Ellie tells the truth (or I suspect when someone finds whatever Toby used to hide under the kitchen cadinets), then we'll have loads of angst and 'how could you lie and send me to prison' stuff.

So silly

Red icebergs.

Neologisms

*puts on teacher's hat*

frell, swear-word invented for use in the Farscape series - usually as an adjective, "frelling".

Usage: Blazin Squad are such frell.

Ispic, An invented term used in to determine if someone does not understand the terms they are using.

Usage: Bill asked Josh if he thought British foreign policy was ispic. When Josh said no Bill knew he didn't know what he was talking about.

Bracknelled, to make tacky usually by building ugly structures. From the East Berkshire new town of Bracknell. Bracknell can be replaced with the name of other new or ugly towns like Didcoted, Sloughed, Telforded, Port Talboted or Basingstoked.

Usage: New Labour's Dome really Bracknelled Greenwich.

More at Urban Dictionary.

More silliness

There are certain things you can be sure of in life, some people don't have the arms for sleveless T shirts, there are always prats on forums (see not just FM), Ryan on the OC will pout each episode, I'll get distracted when typing this and typo, and some days you will just simply not find any totty worth posting.

Luckily that doesn't happen to me (see how I built it all up and made you think this would just be another pictureless ramble) .

Todd has come out and didn't they drag it on and on and on. Even Peter Mandelson didn't take that long (and got his 'friend' chucked out of the country even faster when they broke up).

In Sainsburys we find Bad Boys Inc seen here in their let's get our kit off to attract more sales but in a Littlewoods catalogue way.

One True Voice were so pants they missed the in boxers shots and went straight to naked. Sadly they were both ugly (bar Jamie who will be very goodlooking when he gets to 16) and talentless. Something James from Busted isn't. While Charlie (the one with the eyebrows) sings in his own odd style and the other one who always looks ill mumbles James actually sings the song.

Jarrod or as he keeps getting called Mr Gay UK ('They're probably homosexuals with ways different than our own. They may do some more..... folk dancing.') is gay. I know it's a shock. I totally missed the use of the word 'gay' everytime he was on screen. Damn subtle in my opinion.

I need to relax...I know Phixx again with their kit off. I thought ( a rare thing I know) as I was posting about boybands I should watch Saturday morning TV...you know the proof that TV execs think children are really thick, and I saw Phixx visiting a girl's house to do some cleaning. OK call me a tart if you must but CLEANING. Yes you can get the ugly one to do that (all boybands need them Peter) but not all of them. So while I imagined making Nick a man (crude tonight aren't I? (look I've bought the body parts and got the lightning conductor)) I visited their site. Their next single is called 'Wild Boys' so we can expect more kitoffidness. By the way if you go to their gallery section the third gallery is entitled 'gay and party'...dare I look? Will my value go down?

Tat's goud spalling

Sorry for the minor typofest this blog has been recently. I must stop writing it while doing other things.

Words of the day

Discombobulated, To throw into a state of confusion.

Usage: 'I'm feeling very discombobulated after seeing Tony Blair naked'

Costly, Someone who has removed credibility from themselves.

Usage: 'Tim was costly after admitting he liked Blazin Squad'.

Sports scientist, A stupid person. From the perceived low entry requirements and standards of sports science university courses.

Usage: 'The sports scientist had to be shown how to open a book'.

Well I missed that

Well I've had over 20,000 visitors and not one bloody bunch of grapes. I didn't get Zach Braff to give me a sponge bath (OK I know he plays a doctor in Scrubs and the don't give sponge baths and I haven't been to hospital so this is all very silly but play along...it's not as if you have anything better to do...Sunday night TV is always crap). A lot of you (the majority bar IP addresses only) use AOL as an ISP. That begs the question can't you find a better ISP? Well if you like an ISP populated by racists (go look at the Anglofile and Asylum boards) fine by me. Or was David Moscow cute on Zoe, Duncan, Jack & Jane and why didn't I find that nose off putting? Ian Thorpitis? Does this train of thought thing work? On the topic of trains I was on a train with cute Matt from Canada a few days ago. I still have yet to stalk him or come up with some reason to talk to him (method 1: bump into him by 'accident', say sorry, then develop it from there (a lot subtler than pouncing on him)). I suspect Matt is my Kip Gamblin. His loss as I'm worth $2,355,780.00 which means I'm 17th most expensive male and I gave a conservative guess at my IQ and doing my weight in pounds is confuddling. I was never good at maths. Jon Abrahams is rather cute...just thought I'd mention it. Oh I saw some sitcom with Sean Maguire in it called Off Centre which also stars Eddie Kaye Thomas who is cute in the geeky way Bill likes.

Here endth the ramble

Pretty please

Can people upload pictures onto their webspace not steal my bandwidth.

Billy shot the jukebox

As I ponder what exactly these two oiks from Blazin Squad are doing to each other I find an oh so funny practical joke has been played on me. Someone who thinks they are oh so clever has put a copy of McFly's epic about hair colour. Mcfly if you are in any way interested are the plain Danny and Tom and the cutesome Doug and Harry. While I suspect Harry is the only one who has reached puberty here's them shirtless.

I was also to find a cute picture of Jensen Button without him looking like a toothy kid.

And finally if you the scary campness of this picture of Tom Davidson and Brodie Holland of Collingwood AFL club you'll notice how full those boxers are.

Karl and Todd

Are they shagging? Will Todd come out? Do we care?

Go visit the Todd and Karl fanlisting which I in a fit of silliness joined not because I don't comment on it but because I am a tad sarky.

On Todd and Karl as I only half watch Corrie I need some plot summaries so I can take the...you know and I so want to try out my new Gmail (that so sounds like a porn mag) so email me if you want. I heard (not saw...open window and TV on) a bit and it seems that Todd has come out to his mum sort of...may be...kinda...it's all getting as confusing as why the CPS would have taken Dan Hunter to court. Oh well back to the Archers...

A real idiot

Kip Gamblin used to be top totty for Bill but then he went and got married (and has a kid and another on the way) which burst the micron thin bubble of illusion Bill had over a romp in the bush and upset our Guardian correspondent (she can spell and isn't a contradictory left either so we like her).

Shame he looks like this.

Git.

Do you ever wonder?

What do you think happens to old boyband members? Do they go to Eastbourne?

I ponder this because I in one of my feeble attempts to clear up my hard disk found a picture of Upside Down.

You remember Upside Down?

No not those maps they sell in Australia with Australia at the top or the oddly spooky photos on this forum but the boyband.

OK they only released two singles in the mid 1990s and neither got over 15 in the charts. They were as per this picture standing left to right Richard, Jamie and Giles with a crouching Chris. If memory serves (and it usually does for trivia like this) they were the product of some sort of making the band type thingy. Giles was upper middle class and couldn't manage raunchy, Jamie was about 4 foot tall and stood on telephone directories, Chris worked in TGI Fridays (the Reading one or so I'm told), and Richard was unemployed (which they mentioned daily just to rub it in). Bill was having one of his usual destructive relationships at the time with someone who looked a bit like Richard and he used to get stopped (to see if it was Richard not for drug dealing) every so often so they can't have been that unknown.

They split with their managers and became Orange, Orange and were no more successful so broke up.

Who got custody of the chest wax I don't know.

Party like it's 2004

Someone's 28 today.

Other birthday totty:

Silverchair's Daniel Johns

Ex Borg totty Manu Intiraymi

I've seen his bottom Eric Mabuis

Random totty

Chris Carmack shirtless

Dirt Off My Soul

The one man British Munkafust fan club is going to have another minor waffle through totty and pop culture (if that isn't a contradiction in terms). You can't stop him.

He's become a Gmail beta tester (that's Google's free webmail). On first impressions it's a cut down version of Yahoo mail.

He's also going to suggest you visit Keithers.com not just because the blogger is cute but because it's a good music pop culture blog.

He has also been sent a picture by a visitor to this blog and here it is. Yes that is Simon Taylor in lycra boxers/shorts. Bill would like to give credit but only has an Email and is not going to post that on an open blog but thanking you.

He also wonders why Heinz Winkler the South African Pop Idol has disappeared from view. Heinz outclassed the other totty (OK it was a choice between him, Will Young and Alexander the odd dancing kraut) but hasn't tried to break into the UK charts. His song is actually quite good too. Well let's hope he is buffing up a bit as he does look a tad scrawny shirtless.

He is also wondering what exactly is going on in this Baton cap of Mr Gay UK or Jarrod as he's called normally in a jacuzzi (and why his nipples are red).

He also wonders what idiot launched a boyband called 'V'. Try putting V into Google and you'll get nothing to do with the boyband and so will any V fan. Silly move. It's not as if they are talented to make up for it (or overly cute).


He finally wonders if he fiddled with the contrast in this picture if you'd see anything.

Superhuman but not in looks

As Channel 4's Superhuman has updated it's site (finally) I can show you the only bit of male totty on the show fireman slash model (and not just in some nude calendar) Wesley Morgan.

Sadly this is all spoiled by the really pants blurb on him:

'25-year-old Wesley is a 'diamond geezer''

Oh dear not a good start.

'Born and bred in London he 'wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth - everything I wanted I had to fight for!'. And fight he did.'

But not for an education if that's all he can come up with. But hey I like them thick.

'He's been a fireman for 6 years having passed the entrance tests first time.'

I oddly would hope you don't get a second time let alone a 56th.

'He always wanted to be a fireman - there's nothing he feels more passionate about.'

OK he goes after what he wants but most of us change what we want to be during our childhood...I wanted to be a fireman too...but I was 7.

'Apart from the worthiness of the job, it gives him an adrenaline rush that can't be beaten'

Oh dear. He's into firefighting to get an adrenaline fix. I'm glad I'm not insuring his life.

'He is an adrenaline junkie - nothing frightens him.'

He hasn't met my mother. A fireman who is not afraid of fire. Retraining I think.

Superhuman requires more than just fitness and a good memory, it requires the ability to solve problems by using information and these Superhuman wannabes aren't the best at doing that.

Xanadu

Sadly the man from Porlock didn't stop Olivia Newton John and ELO from creating the epic song of that title. Another crime on music will occur when Take That reform hopefully for 30 nanoseconds or what's left of Tony Blair's career whichever is shorter.

In the US where they give Oscars to liars, Steven Spielberg has missed the irony of doing a film about Olympics in Germany. I know it's about the 1972 Olympics and the actions of the Europeans terrorists sorry dissidents of choice the Palestinians but that just increases the irony.

But the Americans are again blaming other people for their ills, literally.

Finally define tart.

Dishonest appropriation

As I have said before on this blog stealing stuff is naughty, very naughty. You can't of course steal a cap as a cap is from a copyrighted source in the first place. What you can steal is the kudos for the capping. That's not nice and those big white blocks over the capper's tag really don't fool anyone (next you'll claim the referendum on the EU Constitution isn't blatant political expediency). It also makes people who do the caps feel like they are being used and abused (and not in a good way (well some people like it)).

Saying all that here are three caps of a shirtless and buff Eric Balfour from OC (Bill has decided to remove the silly 'the') and I have no idea who capped them in the first place. Kudos to them and kudos to me for using my bandwidth to let you see them.

Here
Here
Here.

Yes or no?

We know some people are gay.

Stephan Gately has Andy Cowles. See what money and fame get you...ohh bitchy...maybe Andy likes dwarfs.

Some hide it until they break and go nuts like Saint Louis Blue's player Mike Danton who wanted a male 'acquaintance' murdered because 'felt that the acquaintance was going to leave him'. If he is gay coming out probably would help rather than him looking like a psycho who wants to kill a roomate because they want to leave. Mike should have kept his 'acquaintance' tied to a bed as his private sex slave...nahh that's probably illegal too.

Some are in bands with one gay member and rumours about another. Of course I am not implying Chris Park is gay just that there are claims he is.

Some like Mitch Firth in this picture make one wonder.

[Bill's thousands of lawyers have asked Bill to say that he is not accusing anyone of being gay even the ones who have already come out and he would never listen to the rumours about Mark Reed from A1 or Steve McCain the gymnast as they are bound to be just gossip]

Random totty

Steven Fletcher, Kristian Wilkin, and Philip Oliver in strippers outfits

Games

The Games was pants.

Mr Gay UK as they kept calling him (JarrodBatchelor as his passport calls him) fiddled with his pants...ok more swimming trunks...just pull them down Jarrod

Shockingly the young fit chaps and chapessess won over the old fat ones...odd that.

Rugby players
It is suggested that rugby is a game invented my thugs and played by gentlement and football is a game invented by gentlemen and played by thugs. Sadly as with all these 'witty comments' they are wrong. Rugby was invented at a British public school (in Blighty we call our most expensive schools 'public schools' not to be confused PS45) and football was invented by bored plebs. Rugby is though played by the middle classes and football by oiks.

Examples of this?

In Australia they have Darren Lockyer to look all cutesome yet in a butch way with added dumbness.

In France they have Julian Hans (showing us something on the Pubic Wars or was that Punic) who like most French rugby players has problems keeping his clothes on. I have a sudden desire for peachs.

As I waffled lonely as a cloud...

I ponder why the comments are so hard to use. It's not as if I'll track you down and set Tony Blair on you if you comment.

Past Smallville totty

As if you needed more convincing that Whitney should still be on Smallville here is Eric Johnson though the haircut is ummmm at best.

Bill's Ben

The Bill used to be the Sweeney just with less attempts to be cockney and hard. Now it's all angst and relationships and ex soap stars (Todd they've killed you off in Eastenders mate, you can smile now).

Ben Peyton is in my opinion the starting point for the angst ridden Bill. Ben played a new recruit with a past...well tie me down next to that chap in Lynx advert and send in Phixx not the tarts how original. Fortunately Ben is cute.

Musical interlude

Grant Park by Marvelous 3

Go and take a ride to her shop in Grant Park
You can walk through the door and shove the knife in her heart
When you tell her that you can't stand the song anymore
The one you two adopted on the prom dance floor

You can be a Tom Cruise and make a big scene
Or be like MacGuyver and cut it clean
Either way there's gonna be blood on the floor
When you tell her that you don't dig girls anymore

Anymore...
Anymore...

Here's a funny story about a singer named Jed
He caught his girlfriend with a woman in bed
They were watching Loveline with a bottle of wine
Having a party like it's 1999

So he threw down the movies and he had a heart attack
He jumped in the ocean, and he never swam back
They stood there naked, except for their socks
Feeling cheaper than a prize in a Cracker Jack box

I don't think Jed's really gonna wanna rock

CHORUS:
Anymore...(I can't believe it)
Anymore...(I can't believe it)

Check the exposure
Something's wrong with this picture
I can't see the truth
For all of the dirty lines

Check the exposure
Something's wrong with this picture
All in all
You're gonna lose your mind

There's a little story that you're gonna adore
Kinda like the lost scene on the cutting room floor
It's all fun and games til you get a black eye
You're down in the swer askin' all the rats, "why?"

You can live & love & lie & cheat if you wish
But you know that's bout as takcy as a satellite dish
On a hot pink house with a burgundy door
With cigarette butts all over the floor

I don't think my stomach's gonna take anymore

Random totty

Back to AFL...yes again

Jason Saddington

And now American football (which oddly rarely involves the use of a foot on the ball)

Eric Crouch 2 3 4

Totty looking silly

Johnny Lee Miller

Young men

Well it looks like Todd and Karl are going do the dirty which oddly makes them wear the same T shirts and Todd shaved.

Totty to zero

Channel 4 really needs ideas. I saw the hardly epic Zero to Hero today that is a clone of and just after (in a rub it in way) Scrapheap Challenge.

While Challenge is more about abject failure (like the sinking today) and things going kaputsey on people (and the oh so shaggable Tyler Harcott (shirtless Tyler here), while Hero is an attempt to appeal to the comicbook crowd. Sadly Hero is total pants. It is hosted by the oh so irritating Trey 'if that was the fastest sperm what were the others like' Farely and it's contestants are make David Beckham look like bright. When presented with a motor and asked what it was they didn't know. A herring? The Red Army?

Fortunately it does have one saving grace (well for me at least) and that is Jem (medieval form of James) Stansfield of Science Shack fame (left in this picture) who is not only cute and clever but it looks like he's buffed up a bit.

Sadly the dressing up to be a 'superhero' business might just work as a game on a kid's TV show but doesn't work for ten let alone thirty minutes.

Jem slowly getting undressed would though.

I also saw Newlyweds with Nick 'd'oh' Lachey (Drew is so much cuter) and Jessica Simpson. Please tell me they aren't going to breed.

Plot summary: Jessica who makes a living dancing on stage with cute chaps is upset that hubby Nick who hasn't got braincells to rub together will be attracted to the dancers he will be using on a video shoot and at a live show (she's attending). Loads of angst and bitching. Nick takes his much cuter (but half size) brother Drew to the audition. Jessica rocks up (adding a bit of Northern venacular) and more angst. Everything turns out alright in the end.

Oh dear

I quite like crap TV shows mainly because they tend to be funny.

But today though I had the dubious pleasure of watching the Adventures of Sinbad.

It stars only one vague bit of totty Zen Gesner. He may look quite good at first but after ten minutes of being shown his hairy chest does not distract from his total inability to act.

His acting style if you can call it that is to say his lines like he's taking the proverbial out of an Errol Flynn film. Saying your lines in a totally over the top heroic manner doesn't make for good acting. His facial expressions are simply odd. He looks like he on a catalogue photoshoot. You get Zen pensive (or Zen needing the toilet), Zen looking out into the distance while saying something meaningful (he's even more wooden doing it than Orlando Bloom in Return of the King) and Zen being cool which usually involves him moving his sword from hand to hand.

On another matter as I flicked through my Sunday Times Culture section to find the time Monk is on I am confronted by a picture (page 86) of some shirtless men. Sadly only one of them is actually good looking.

This is for the near fatal Channel 4 show Superhuman (spot who should update websites).

One must hope they test all parts of the anatomy...for the sake of science....no really.

Well that screws up tonight

Be very careful if you live in Sheffield or Leeds as a load of sad blokes have nowhere to go tonight.

Ohhh just feel that judging...

I was asked...

...today if I was 'post theory' (in a I know what that means and go to Oxford University and you're some townie).

Well after pondering my years of under and post graduate study I replied 'Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pitang-zoop-boing', smiled and left.

Why is this of interest?

Because I have found the coolest site ever...Monty Python and the Holy Grail in lego.

Well you can stop that young man...

OK picture the scene Beau Brady is spread out on your bed completely naked whispering dirty suggestions at you as you lift his legs onto your shoulders...sorry wrong scene.

OK picture this you are not quite gay mainly as the soap writers want to try and drag out the storyline for ages which you are happy about because it is likely they'll can you from the soap after it's ended. You kiss your girlfriend's brother when he's asleep and he gets all upset but he is Adam Rickett so why not (even if you are straight). Then you go and work in a hospital and there's this cute gay nurse (I think (I really should watch these things before commenting)) who has just broken up with his psycho boyfreind (who was a psycho in Brookside too and has a cute brother on Hollyoaks)

Anyhows you go out on to Canal Street with him and end up kissing him but your girlfriend appears. Cue angst. I'm not sure what happened next as I tend not to watch British soaps and Australian ones with the sound down...perfect wallpaper...but they're at it again.

Kissy, kissy just outside the A&E.

I'm not sure why but Bruno Langley (with the black hair) has decided not to shave. Is this the Corrie scripwriters signal for being gay? Someone better tell Keith Duffy.

More to come no doubt.

Why not visit...

Honeytom's blog.

Yes he does find Colin McAllister attractive but I'm sure that's the beer talking.

Naughty gymnast totty

Matt Abboud got his kit off for Playboy and upset the gymnastic world.

Apparently Penn State cause a bit of fuss about it...well they do have to pretend to care and I'm sure someone moaned.

AFL totty (yes again)

OK I do AFL, gym, and soap totty rather a lot...live with it.

David Hille in a 'that must hurt' moment but it gives an interesting view.

Aaron Henneman all aryan running boy...

And Darren Walsh just because he's cute (and you can see his nipples (which I told is a good thing)).

Running totty

Louis van Zyl as our bit of Afrikaner running totty.

Nate Brannen as our bit of colonial college running totty.

Robbie Stevens as Nate's back up.

How to prove you need a life

If you find this fun.

Well shag me senseless through a hedge across the field, through the stream, up the hill...

This blog has suddenly become all popular (well more popular). From 200 odd visitors a day to 1,250 a day and counting. Here's hoping bandwidth isn't a biggy with Netscape...

At least now I know Horsey's still exists.

Random totty of the day

Charlie Hunnam

James Lafferty

How naughty of him

Did you know that Thierry Pepin of Danny in the Sky fame (well kinda) was in a gay porn movie?

Well here's the proof [link to links of pictures that religious zealots and Brandon Henschel won't like].

Kinky

Inme...are a trio of musical types who sing sorta punky moany rock numbers much to the enjoyment of the assembled masses. They are also all quite goodlooking.

They are Dave McPherson who I'm iffy on, Joe Morgan who is rather cute and Simon Taylor (two blond bits of totty with the same name) who at least in this picture looks like the band's bit of rough.